Tonight.

I was just really going to use this blog for my poems and quotes & such, but I realized that I need a place where I can relentlessly vent until I can't vent nomore. Or just to put my feelings out there so I'm going to use this place.

So...with that being said.

I am currently on the phone with my boyfriend, & he's singing in my ear. lol I love nights like this. I really cherish them because sometimes I honestly don't know what is going to happen to us. He's like my bestfriend, but lately things haven't been that great. And, it sucks. So much. Like, its to the point that now I don't know how our nights or days for that matter are going to go. I'm terrified of losing him, but I'm not down with arguing every day about some NEW shit. They say when the arguing starts the "romance" is gone, so I praying that things stay good long enough for us to get back to the way we used to be. I don't want to be without him, but without him I don't want to be miserable. I love him so much I can't describe it or begin to even put into words. He's my heart...and I love him with everything in me. I just want us to be happy, TOGETHER. We both have talked about if we split could we be friends, and we both agreed that we could depending on the circumstances. BUT honestly I know deep down neither one of us wants to be 'just friends'...sometimes I just don't know. All I can do is pray about it. Prayer changes everything.

I just hope whatever happens, its for the best and eventually everything turns out right.

Im just....ME!

Now I see her fully in this mirror...her flaws and all are so much clearlier...
...I love her no matter what though, because she;s human, flaws discrimates against noone...
...She;s not perfect, but, perfectly imprefections she shows....inside beauty is what counts the most...
...Her deepest dark secrets are formed in her eyes, she let's pain leak from her thoughts everytime she cries...
...Sometimes she feels alone, wishing that someone could save her...but in reality noone really knows...
...She doesn;t understand the meaning of being free...war sometimes becomes too much so she loses the battle of being she...
I want you to love me for me....not some imitation of someone u see on tv...

"Now baby you cant get too comfortable you see? Then, I'll get real comfortable with just me...then, you be REAL comfortable for free, in your own bed though...withOUT me. (plz read between the lines) this ish comes too easy

Forgiveness

Tonight, I make a vow to myself
to never hold a grudge this LONG for anyone else.
It;s not healthy or benifitting to my weath,
so I'll tell you now...haterd for you there is none...its all gone left.
Because I see now since I can forgive him, I might as well forgive you too.
Even, though you continue to talk shit, and spread everything about me that's not true.
You clearly have a lot of growing up to do.
But, im grown now and this here showes my proof
Im over the childish rants and raves about how much I can't stand you
I stand on my OWN two feet, and right now im walking away with high hopes
of becoming better then, my youth.
I love him and he loves me
& his love for me, will never kill YOUR MISERY
So, ima stand up straight and hold my head high
Wish you the best and hope that as time flies by
that you realize that I am not your enemy who lies in the mirror
Wipe yours off sweetie, and you will see who it really is
much clearier. . . .


GOODNITE. :)

The last MAN. . . .

The last man I made love to, is who I want to marry.
His child my first, I want to carry.
I want him in my future. I want him to be my last first kiss.
I want his view of who I am, who he knows me as, to never change. I want his feelings to go flesh deep for me. I want him to feed me his love, like its my everlasting breath. I want us to be forever. I want THIS love, forever.

Its all in his voice, his words, his eyes...they tell me everything I need to know.

Everything I've ever wanted to know about...US. its there, and noone can EVER convince me different.

Love is strong enough to make this work...

What the hell I look like letting you go?

Never

I want this forever. . .

Feed ME...

Feed me your love again
Your energy again
Tell me how much I lift your spirits
& make you proud of my presence
Ask me do I care about you and I promise the answer would be yes
Ask me if I can live without you, and, i'll show you how empty ur absences would leave my chest
All you gotta do is follow theses directions boy, & I'll do the rest
You hold this heart...this distant shit is rippin me apart
Dare not ever doubt the love that lives within me for you
My words hold nothing but the truth
& from me you can live off of my feeds
Never go hungry never have to pled
just give your thoughts to me
trust me and love me
......FEED ME. . . . .

Let me apologize. . . now.

Im sorry that im not the perfect, person. I apologize for not always keeping up with YOUR standards. My fault for not giving you the attention that you FEEL you deserve. My bad for not giving a damn about YOUR attitude, when you swear I am in the wrong. Sorry, that I do things you use to do, but don't do anymore. Sorry that I am NEVER on time. I apologize for not giving you EXACTLY what you want from me. Im truly sorry for not returning your phone calls, or texts in a fashionable time limit. Im sorry that I don;t smile all the time, because you are forever happy-go-lucky. Im sorry I get mad easier then, you && you think I overract most of the time. I apologize to you for cursing at you when I feel you need it. :) Im sorry am not the perfect daughter. I sometimes get lazy & feel as though AS A PERSON I AM NOT APPRECAITED. im sorry I am not the perfect little sister, or the PERFECT big sister that YOU think I should be. Im sorry just sometimes I SINCERELY DON'T GIVE A DAMN...sorry I have a attitude that YOU just can't understand. Im sorry I speak my mind, && can give a two fcks about how u feel about it. My bad for NOT being a weak person that you;re so used to. Sorry, I don't always get it right the first time. Sorry that i don;t give a fck that you just got offended. Sorry that you feel im a little too into myself. Sorry that you can;t grasp the FACT that we are NOTHING alike, && NEVER will be.